Round 1: Kyle Stevenson on behalf of Tomba from the Tomba! series
It’s story time ladies and gentlemen. There once was a boy who couldn’t speak due to growing up in the wild with little to no human interaction. One day that feral child’s bracelet, which was his grandfather’s, was stolen by an evil organization of pigs known as the Koma Pigs. It was at that moment that the feral child knew that he had to do whatever he could to get his grandfather’s bracelet back to not only retrieve what was his, but to save the world as he knew it from these evil porkers. What was the child’s name you ask? He goes by one name. That name is Tomba.
Tomba is the perfect addition to the PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale’s roster. What this game needs is someone who can get up close and personal with their attacks and that is Tomba’s specialty. Tomba is known for jumping on his opponents and biting them until he can throw them away like the garbage they are, like a jujitsu style of grappling.
As far as his special powers go, he can summon some weapons that he can use to wreak havoc on those evil pigs (yes, Tomba views everyone that gets in his way as pigs). He can summon a flail, boomerangs, mallets to aid him in battle. Tomba can also use a variety of suits that give him unique abilities such as a flying squirrels hit which, you guessed it, helps Tomba glide. He also has different color shorts that grant him quicker speed, higher jumps, and stronger attacks. Tomba can also have a grenade like attack that throws 2 different colors of mushrooms. These mushrooms temporarily make his opponents stop and cry or laugh depending on which color you throw at them. That will leave them wide open for close up combo attacks.
I also feel like the roster is lacking some PS1 character love. Tomba would fill this void and bring a unique look to the battlefield. It’s not everyday you see a feral, no shirt on, ripped green pants, World saving kid in gaming today. Let’s include Tomba and thank him for his contributions to making PlayStation quirky and beloved.
Round 2: Emmett Watkins Jr on behalf of Boy from Noby Noby Boy
I’ve done my absolute best to add some off-the-wall characters to this hypothetical roster over the last few weeks. I tried to bring in the mysterious cloaked protagonist of Journey, but Crash proved to be more popular. I tried to bring in the papercraft duo of Iota and Atoi, but Bloodborne was too much of a juggernaut. But I only have so many more matches left to get weird, as there are a BUNCH of PlayStation characters still yet have a shot on the roster. So, I’m going for the hail mary, the most bizzare pick I can possibly muster: everyone’s favorite sentient rainbow noodle, Boy.
If you were lucky enough to own a PlayStation 3 during the era where Sony would heavily promote independent games on their platforms, then you were treated to many gems. But for every moving piece of art like Journey, and arcade-em-up like Super Stardust HD, there was a weird artsy game, and Noby Noby Boy was my favorite one. It was basically a physics playground in which you controlled this furresent tapeworm and made him eat any and all objects and beings in each randomly generated level. The player could also stretch his body to the heart’s content, and that length would add to the total length of Girl, yet another tapeworm. GIRL’s total length would be contributed to by every player online from around the world, up until she finally reached her goal of stretching around the entire solar system back in 2015.
But the question remains, what about all of this makes Boy a compelling fighting game character? Well, I’ve thought this for a long time, but this game is in need of a troll/chaos character. Much like Ice Climbers or Rob the Robot in Smash Bros, All-Stars needs a character that would be so hilarious to have in a fighting game, that folks would play as him out of sheer novelty. Furthermore, despite his completely odd existence, his moveset would be really easy to figure out.
He could play a lot like Monkey D. Luffy from the anime One Piece, as his body could stretch and contort for different close quarters strikes. His grapple could operate a lot like Ratchet’s Such Cannon does in the original All-Stars, except here, HE IS THE SUCK CANNON. And in the theme of ingestion, an easy ranged attack could be him pooping out random items from the original game (and yes, pooping out objects was a mechanic in Noby Noby Boy).
His supers have the potential for the strangest results. His level one could be something basic, like stretching his body the width of the entire screen and taking out any enemy that happens to be on the same level as him. His level 2 could be more involved, like being able to poop out your opponents at a higher, instantly fatal, velocity than normal for a limited time. And his level 3 super could finally incorporate GIRL in someway. Considering she now stretches so far that she starts at Earth, goes around the entire solar system, and back again, having her ingest your enemies could just leave them in an internal network of technicolor bowels, the likes of which no character could endure.
So, I hope I’ve made the choice as easy as possible for you. Boy is not only everyone favorite emoting jump rope, but also one of PlayStation’s strongest mascots of it’s independent era of games. It should certainly be represented in this roster in this match, and who knows, maybe a certain King could have accompanied GIRL back to Earth after her trip through the Cosmos…
Round 3: Fight!
So, who do want, the feral foster child, or the multicolored shoestring? Vote in the Twitter poll embedded below, and follow @LosHarrowGames for the next match up!