Like a human sized turkey mascot erupting from an egg in front of millions, this idea from Allan wasn’t meant to be taken seriously. But the more I thought about it, the more invested I became. Will this ever be done? Absolutely not, and for good reason. It wouldn’t sell millions and I doubt the majority of wrasslin’ fans remember a chunk of the people here. Yet, here I am, letting bad nostalgia run wild on me. So let me propose to you brother, a throwback wrestling game I would call WWE J.O.B. Squad.

The Roster

Over the years, there has been a plethora of wrestling video games. Many good. Many bad. But one thing that most don’t have – the bad, forgettable jobbers and gimmicks. This game harkens back to a time when those individuals plagued the television screen. You won’t get a Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart, The Undertaker, HBK, Kurt Angle, or Seth Rollins in this game. Instead, you’ll have a roster filled with the following:

• Abe “Knuckleball” Schwarz
• Adam Bomb
• Aldo Montoya
• Avatar
• Barry Horowitz
• Bastion Booger
• The Berzerker
• Blackjack Bradshaw
• Blackjack Windham
• Bob “Sparkplug” Holly
• Brooklyn Brawler

• Damien Demento
• Dean Douglas
• Doink the Clown
• Duke “The Dumpster” Droese
• Fake Razor Ramon
• Fake Diesel
• Flash FunkG
• Giant Gonzales
• The Goon
• Henry O. Godwinn
• Isaac Yankem DDS
• The Jackyl
• Kurrgan the Interrogator
• Kwang
• Leif Cassidy
• Mantaur
• Marty Jannetty
• Max Moon
• Mr Hughes
• Mosh
• Oscar

• Phineas I. Godwinn
• Quebecer Jacques
• Quebecer Pierre
• Recon
• Repo Man
• Rockabilly
• Sniper
• The Stalker
• Steven Dunn
• The Sultan
• Tank
• Thrasher
• Timothy Well
• Travis (Tekno Team 2000)
• Troy (Tekno Team 2000)
• Waylon Mercy

That’s right, we will be focusing on the New Generation Era of the WWE (roughly 1993 – 1997). Bad career choices by all, but at least some of them were able to turn it around later.

So this starting roster will be a good jumping off point. Like so many games, DLC will certainly be a thing. But because this game isn’t the cream of the crop, the DLC will have to be free. Thankfully, there are plenty of themed DLCs we can tackle.

For example, mini wrestling (I’m not going to be cancelled by calling it what  many know it as) could be one option. Who wouldn’t want to play as Max Mini, Dink the Clown, or Mini Vader? Especially if they have their own special version of matches (think tiny ladders). If that doesn’t float your boat, have “before they hit it big” type of themes like a DX theme with Road Dogg as “Roadie”, Billy Gunn from the Smoking Gunns, the 1-2-3 Kid imstead of X-Pac, or even the proper Hunter Hearst Helmsley.

You may have noticed women are absent. Sadly, the company wasn’t representing that gender well back then. And outside of a Bertha Faye, most wouldn’t feel right in a game like this. I mean….Bull Nakano and Alundra Blayze were too good for this.

However, managers are an option as well to add to the game. I remember Harvey Whimpleman, Honky Tonk Man, and Jerry Lawler being by the sides of some of these wrestlers. So let’s add them in here to flesh out the authentic feel of that era.

The Matches

Most of these will be the tried-and-true matches seen in wrestling games. Royal Rumbles and cage matches for sure (give me those old big blue bars steel cage). But let’s not forget, there were some…*ahem*….memorable matches worth adding to this game.

For example, it wouldn’t feel right to have a game like this and not get down and dirty. Like the Arkansas Hog Pen match that once took place between Henry O. Godwinn and Hunter Hearst Helmsley in 1995. Has any other wrestling game featured a classic match like that? I think not!

Bra and panty matches were certainly huge in later years, but we saw something prior to them. Tuxedo matches. While most have smartly forgotten the Howard Finkel vs Harvey Whimpleman match, I unfortunately, have not. And thus, boom, this is added here too.

Long-time dead man The Undertaker had his share of special matches too. Why not feature a few of those such as the Buried Alive match or the Boiler Room Brawl? I know he isn’t in the game and neither is his co-hort in crazy matches Mick Foley; but that’s a testament to their success and dozens and dozens of fans.

Speaking of Mick Foley, we all know he is a tough S.O.B. But before him, there was another tough S.O.B. –  someone who kicked ass and chew bubble gum – Rowdy Roddy Piper. Now, he isn’t in this game as well, but his influence is here in the Hollywood Backlot Brawl match that he had with Goldust. Include the gold Cadillac, some dumpsters, catering tables and more; and you have a new backstage area to battle in.

Lastly, but certainly not least, the rival to an I Quit match. Except instead of making the opponent quit, you make them cry….by putting them in a diaper. The ultimate slap in the face, but I imagine it would need to be a submission mini-game type of finish with the ending cinematic being the loser running around the ring, maybe some baby powder thrown in their face, and then crying as the animation ends. It worked for Razor Ramon and 1-2-3 Kid, it would work here too, right?

Commentating

Commentators are supposed to help the television viewers get into matches…unless you’re listening to Pat McAfee, then it does the complete opposite. The New-Gen Era would feature a few differemt commentating teams before ending with the one that dominated the Attitude Era – Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

It would be foolish not to include them here. But, we run into an issue with them that is more troublesome with the others – how do we get voice lines recorded? Haha, easy solution. We don’t record any! Instead, we grab the voicelines from previously aired content and insert them here. Sure it will sound awful, but it can’t be any worse than today’s games and it’ll be mostly more authentic.

With that answered, it’s time to mention the teams at work here. First off, it’s imperative we use Howard Finkel as the ring announcer. He was the voice of that era, and he ahould be here as well. Commentating teams can be switched between depending on choice. You want Lawler and McMahon? Done. Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan? Why of course! Stan Lane, Rob Bartlet, and Art Donovan are also viable options here. We will even throw in some guest commentary as they did it in the past too with Randy Savage and Shawn Michaels. All in all, a very lively bunch.