In 2004, the video game world took a brave step in objectifying women. Utilizing the popular MTV Spring Break crowds, developer Topheavy Studios made an FMV game where women answered questions. Then, if the player correctly guessed if the women knew the answer or not, their top-heavy portions would become less and less censored. Incels around the video game world rejoiced.

Almost 20 years and a resurgence in remakes later, it’s time the game made a comeback. So here is my proposal for the next The Guy Game.

As it has become more and more apparent over the years, the video game world (like the world in general) is run by immature boys who act as if they’ve never been in the same room with a woman before. So in this remake, we point those boys out by saying, “Who is ‘The Guy’?”

Now, you may be thinking…” huh?” Let me clear this up. First, the FMV portions are someone walking around and asking regular people Jeopardy-style questions such as:

Those are just some of the many questions that can be asked in this revamped The Guy Game. Then, it’s up to the player to decide if the random person knows the answer. But it doesn’t actually matter if they get it right or wrong, as different articles published about these claims will be shown after each guess. Maybe even video footage of the news stories could be shown.

Credit: Polygon

Or, taking a play out of the “TitWitz” section of the original, we could have a portion called “NitWitz”. Here, we give the player more chances to answer by giving them multiple-choice questions. These would mix in different companies as a whole for their disgusting workplace but the player has to guess the best one based on the clue. But who are we kidding, every choice is correct because places like Rooster Teeth, Insomniac, Riot Games, and more; are all proof that it doesn’t matter where you work. Every place has issues.

But, in a remake, we could also branch out from the typical sexual harassment found in the industry. Maybe other modes could focus on racism, xenophobia, homophobia, and transphobia. Questions focusing on that could be:

But that’s the gist of what this new remake of The Guy Game would be. Though it’s impossible not to have a surprise at the end of the credits. This remake would of course have to bring it back to the original. By that, I mean pay homage to the producer and director of The Guy Game, founder of Retro Studios, Jeff Spangenberg, and all that he could contribute to this game.

So with all of that said, what kind of questions would you like to ask to discover “the guy”?

Credit: Fortune

*Note: This article was of course written in jest for April Fool’s Day. The Guy Game is a horrible example of what the video game industry can be and should never return in any form. It shouldn’t be seen as problematic to say this: nobody’s body should be seen as a prize to win as if it’s a stuffed bear at the fairgrounds during a game of ring toss.

So I wanted to flip the idea of The Guy Game on it’s head. Instead, I would put the focus on the people (usually men) and the companies that help propogate these disgusting behaviors. Because it’s clear that this industry, and any industry, could be better. They SHOULD be better. Being a straight white male doesn’t mean you should be protected from harassing others. Nor does it mean you should behave in these ways at all. Grow up. Mature. Act like a god damn adult who interacts with all types of people on any given day. If you know you made mistakes in the past, don’t disregard them when they are brought up. Acknowledge the mistake, try to improve if you haven’t already, and draw attention to it when possible to prevent it from happening to others.

We should all try to be better and hold not just others, but ourselves accountable. I’ve done things I regret and am not proud of. Odds are, you have, too. If you take anything away from this (outside a hopeful laugh), I hope it’s that this shit isn’t acceptable. Don’t treat people like the ones in this article did. Be respectful for the love of god.*

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